We are having a son. :) I literally cannot say that out loud or even think it in my mind without a silly grin taking over my entire face. The first few days of knowing, I'd actually laugh out loud to myself with this weird, giddy excitement that can only be explained by this deep, unpenetrable joy I feel when I think about him.
His name will be Owen. I have a quite a list of girl names I love, but years ago I told Ryan that if we were to have a baby boy some day, I'd like to name him Owen. It has one fault, and that is its recent popularity. But you know what? We don't already have a son named Owen, which means in our family, it is not a popular name. It's new. And cute. And manly. It's cute on babies and it's cute on old men, which is important to us because we aren't so much into modern names. I like old names. My tastes have changed in basically every other area of my life--including girl names--but it was impossible for us to come up with a boy name that I love as much as this one. We've joked that if we ever have another son, his name will be Owen II because of my distaste for almost every male name. ha!
Owen means "young warrior" or "young fighter." I like that. My husband's name means "little king," and I am already so in love with my family of 3...my "little king" and "young warrior." I'm going to be honest: every time I've ever seen or heard any mom talk about how in love she is with her children, I see nothing but giant red flags waving across my mind. It bothers me when I see moms place their kids before their husbands, and as a society we seem to struggle with idolizing our children. I have never been able to reconcile how it would be for me--how I would juggle and prioritize my love for my husband with my love for my children, but I'm starting to get it. All sides of it. Part of the problem is that it is rare that we see it done this way. Nonetheless, I've been very open about my thankfulness for the four years that Ryan and I have been married without children. It has allowed us to build a foundation together, to learn how to be together and how to love each other. I feel ready to add our baby boy to our family, and I have no fear of neglecting one for the other. Something about seeing my son's face at our ultrasound just ignited this crazy, intense love for him that I hadn't yet felt. Of course I've been excited about our baby since day one and thought I was already completely in love with him, but I was wrong. Those feelings pale in comparison to the feelings I have now. The best part: I am already experiencing what it is like to be completely, madly in love with two men at the same time. ;) I'm realizing it is two completely different types of love, though equal in intensity.
As soon as we discovered that we are having a boy, I exclaimed "AHHH Dr. Allison, how will I know what to do with a boy??!!" She laughed and reassured me by saying "the good news is he arrives as a little baby boy, and you just take it one day at a time from then on." She's right. I don't have to have it all figured out or know anything about raising a son. It is going to be so fun, and I want him to be in my arms rightthissecond.
My final thought: my husband is an incredible man. I truly admire him from the depths of my being, and it's no secret that I think he hung the moon. I'm definitely not his only admirer. I cannot tell you how many times I hear "I want ____ to marry a man like Ryan!" I hear it all the time, even from people who haven't met him but know about him from the things I tell them. We see his patients in public and they come toward us, shouting his name in excitement and immediately embracing him. Seriously? When was the last time you (and your kid, in this case) got excited about seeing your pharmacist in public and gave him a hug? Exactly. He's a special man. He's a perfect picture of quiet strength, as opposed to my mother-bear like tendencies. He's steady, gentle, and although he's always right about everything, he would never act like it or even tell you that because he's humble to a fault. He doesn't even try to correct people who have false ideas about him, his work, etc. He is the man who has to caution me not to think less of other men just because they aren't like him. I respect him with every ounce of my being. And this has taken me about 5 seconds to type because it's all true. It's easy for me to say. So my main thought immediately after finding out we are having a son? Thank God my son will have a man like him for a dad. This world needs men like Ryan to have sons; sons need to have men like him for a dad.
...closely followed by "and I'm still the queen of the castle! Heck yeah!" :-)
...closely followed by "and I'm still the queen of the castle! Heck yeah!" :-)
