Other than blogs of personal friends of mine, I follow two blogs. The writer of my favorite blog passed away yesterday. It’s so strange to grieve the loss of someone I didn’t actually know, but the thing is that it always felt like I did. I have real friends (Ok--I should probably file them under "acquaintances.") whose children’s names I don’t know or can’t remember. But hers? I know their names, their birthdays. I remember her pregnancy announcements, her cute outfits, the house she and her husband bought not long ago. Several times a week I checked for and devoured her posts about life, fashion, the hogs, babies, whatever. The one thing in all this sadness that has made me smile today is looking back at her blog. I kept scrolling, page after page, thinking wow, how wonderful for her baby girls to have this to look back on when they grow up and can read so many of their momma’s own words about how much she loved them. Please keep her family in your prayers. She’s 30 years old and has left behind a husband she adored, a not-quite-2 year old, and a 7 month old. Devastating.

I am allowing myself to feel the sadness, and I’m choosing to draw inspiration from her life. I need to write more, both for myself and for pure documentation/family keepsake. I didn’t write a 12-month post for Owen. I had so many feelings that were too raw at the time, and by time I came to terms with them, I felt like too much time had passed. I actually have part of a post saved, so I might go back and post it soon. I regret that I didn’t. I’m still upset that I only got to be with Owen for 10 minutes on his first birthday, but I’m thankful for the enormous amounts of time I get with him on most days. He and Ryan bring me joy after joy. I really don’t have much more to say tonight, but I think it’s important to name and express our emotions in whatever way we can, and be vulnerable enough to allow our experiences to change us in both big and small ways.

Until next time,