Javier

My last post about work was unnecessarily negative. I considered editing or deleting it that night when I went to bed, but it embodied what I was truly feeling. I think, to a point, that I just needed to say it and get over it. Every day since then has been good. It is not my favorite, but it is good, and I will count my blessings. :)

Ryan and I went with our church to see Courageous last Thursday night. I am not big into movies, but I do like them more than I used to. The movie, company, and whole experience was fantastic. It's a crying movie, but I bet you anything in the world you'd never guess what part I cried over. It'll mean nothing to you if you haven't seen it, but I cried over Javier eating a tortilla for lunch one day on his way to work.

Yep.

And I cried about it again later. I can't stop thinking about it. Ridiculous, right? I'm trying to make sense of it, but I am irrationally sensitive to situations like these. I cried one time at Wal-Mart because the custodian in the bathroom was so incredibly nice. I remember crying and crying at home, telling Ryan, "he is just so nice, and he is working so hard. I'm sure he doesn't get paid much and probably struggles to make ends meet...I don't know how people can do that; how can people live comfortably when..." It went on and on. You can't even imagine.

So, when we got in the car after the movie, I asked Ryan if he cried. "Not really, but I think I teared up a little" he said. When I told him that I cried over Javier eating a tortilla, he sweetly smiled and said, "I'm not one bit surprised." Ha!

I have this weird heart with a giant  soft spot for the hard-working but getting-nowhere person, and I don't know what to do with it.  That description is way too specific because it is so much more than that, but I think you get the idea. The overarching thought for me is that I have always looked forward to Ryan finishing pharmacy school and getting a job. I have always known and deeply felt that it would give me a sense of freedom to do what I want to do without having to worry about income. However, not everybody has that. Many people will work hard their whole lives and never make ends meet. I just don't get it. I don't think it's fair. I don't know what I can do about it. Just watch Courageous, and know that my heart is for the Javier's of this world.

At the end of the day, this is what I say to myself: how dare you complain. I actually have said that out loud to myself several times. The job I have this year has been a good source of discipline and humility, for sure! :)

I will post again in the next couple of days; there is so much more I want to say right now! I have been reading more than I have in a long time, and I am learning and re-learning many things... probably because I now have the time.

God is good. ALL things from Him are good, even when I'm too stubborn to admit it.