In an attempt to psych myself out for the return to school, I present to you some of my favorite quotable memories from last year.
-What is professional development? Is that like architecture?
-You have a husband??!! *this question was posed to me in MAY. Hello!
-Did you know that skinny jeans can give you cancer?
-Jesus Christ!!! (quite angrily)
(I say the student's name and impose upon him an intense stare.)
What? I'm catholic! (In a "no really, it's okay because..." tone.)
-What do you call a person who makes art?
-A girl was showing an ESL student a gap in her teeth from a pulled tooth
ESL student: Aww, what happened? Did your tooth fell down?
-Me: I can't keep waiting for you to get out a pencil. (Begins teaching)
Kid: Hey, no child left behind! (Huge grin)
-Mrs. Harness, you're my favorite teacher. Just kidding!
*Background information: Kid 3 in this scenario has an unhealthy love affair for Wendy's baconaters. He talked about them every day and finally someone asked him:
Kid 1: What is a baconater?
Kid 2 in an annoyed tone: It's a sandwich.
Kid 3 in a rather defensive tone: A sandwich!? Oh it's no sandwich! It's a masterpiece of meat, cheese, and bacony goodness.
-I just got called a butt muscle! A butt muscle! Who gets called a butt muscle?!
I am very dramatic when the Crazies ask about kids, so this is how they respond:
-You're going to be like the Duggars, but instead of having a new kid every season, you'll have a new kid every episode!
-Yeah, Octomom!!
-Kid 1: What does a-s-s- mean? (Legitimate-- it was in Julius Caesar)
Kid 2: I don't know, but that's what I call my mom!
-New student: You look young. Like really, really young.
Me: Take a guess, then.
student: Like 27!
-I'm going to be in the NBA. (This kid is not on the basketball team...)
While briskly walking through the hall, a student says:
-yeh, I had to have back surgery yesterday because I fell on the ice.
-Kid 1: What is fornication?
Kid 2: It's when unmarried people have sex.
Kid 1: Oh. Really? (Looks at me) Is that right?
Me: Yes.
Kid 1: (Looks around) Raise your hand if you have ever fornicated!?
-In a student's essay, she said castrated instead of concentrated. I don't remember the context, but it was about playing softball.
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Oh my goodness! I love it!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I'm glad I found you on here!
Hahaha... this is my second favorite thing about teaching. The first is obviously summer.
ReplyDeleteHILARIOUS! I wish I could remember all the funny things my class has said. I do remember my first year, the secretary came over the intercom and said "There has been $20 found on the playground, if it belongs to you please come to the office and claim it" (Retarded I know) So one of my students comes to me and says, "Mrs. Hovis, my dad comes up to the school on the weekend and hides money on the playground for me, just in case I run out of lunch money. Can I go to the office and get my $20?"...My reply. "Um no, but you can go sit down." Wow. Did he honestly expect me to believe him?
ReplyDeleteI love this. :) We made it through our first year! *Sigh*... I can't believe the second one is about to start. I'm not quite ready, though I am excited about being a little more confident (and scary).
ReplyDeleteAlso - I would definitely be a fan of the student who yelled "No Child Left Behind!" ;)