WE'RE PREGNANT!

My heart is so full of joy as I compose this post to tell the rest of the world what we've known since July 22nd: we're pregnant!! I knew it in my heart the evening before, but I selfishly let myself enjoy that moment until I was able to conjure up proof the next day. We are both so grateful and excited!

I have had a fairly typical pregnancy so far. In this first trimester, I've had many miserable moments, as well as lots of good ones. But one thing stays the same: I am choosing to enjoy and soak up what each day of pregnancy has to offer... even when the day's gift is one I'd rather not accept. This season is such a special one. So many pregnant women just want to jump to the next thing, whether that is feeling better, finding out the gender, getting everything ready, or whatever the case may be. I'm--admittedly, in very rare form--discovering a peaceful patience and contentment to enjoy the here and now. I'm carefully documenting my pregnancy, and we've started a journal of letters to our future little one. I'm loving these special moments of pregnancy too much to wish it away. I know that each day is important in my baby's development, and so we wait. We wait patiently, choosing to enjoy this season that we may or may not ever get to experience again. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

This may seem a bit personal, so if you're put off by personal information, you might want to stop reading now. People ask, and if they don't ask they at least wonder was this a surprise? Yes and no. I stopped taking my birth control last August (2012). Ryan was out of town for his pharmacy rotation that month, and I broke my elbow that month... completely irrelevant, but it makes me laugh because it clearly wasn't going to happen that month regardless of my body's process of getting used to no birth control. :) I was pretty sure I would be pregnant by Christmas though. The honest truth is that I was completely ready (or I thought I was), and Ryan really wanted to get through school first. I shamelessly said things like "well, you know it will take a while to get pregnant" just in hopes of getting my way. Ha. I'm glad God works on his timeline and not mine, because I didn't know we'd be moving exactly 9 months from August.

During that entire year, I never let my desire for a baby consume my thoughts or my being. While I did often think about wanting a baby, I never really thought about how it wasn't happening for us yet. I truly never became obsessed with the idea, or got hurt when others got pregnant. I prayed about that on the front end, just in case. But here's where it gets a little weird:  I found out I was pregnant on the morning of July 22 (a Monday). The Friday before, I was telling Ryan that I was going to call on Monday (the 22!) and make an appointment to get checked out and make sure everything was ok since we still weren't pregnant. I could tell that caught him off guard, but I had always read that most couples conceive within a year, so that was the timeline I had given myself.  The next evening, July 20th, we went to dinner with my parents. My mom made this comment: "everybody is getting to be grandparents except for us!" I responded (maybe lashed out) by telling her that was really rude, and if I remember correctly, I shut down for the rest of dinner. I felt terrible because I responded irrationally to my mom, and I knew immediately that it had to hurt her. I know what happened, though; I was hearing "you've disappointed me in this way," which wasn't my mom's heart at all. But it clearly pushed a button in me, and I realized at that point that I was letting myself become consumed with my desire.  It just confirmed to me that yes, I needed to call and make the appointment. The next day, Ryan and I decided that to protect our hearts and theirs, we just needed to tell both sets of parents that we had been trying for a year and it just hadn't happened yet. The comments were getting heavy from both of our mothers, if we're honest, and I just couldn't handle it anymore.

So, we decided that we would share that with our parents. Little did I know, we wouldn't even have a chance to do so. I was pregnant while all of this was going on! The night that Ryan and I decided we should talk to our parents is when I felt in my heart that I was pregnant, and the next morning is when I took a test to confirm it. Once we told my parents we were pregnant, they immediately thought back to that dinner and thought I was bluffing! Nope, just God's perfect timing. He truly will give you the desires of your heart--in his perfect timing.

Baby Harness is due on March 31, 2014. I am thankful that this is my story. I'm thankful even for the parts I mentioned that were painful, and especially for the parts that didn't go my way. It is so much more special to us because of that. Waiting in anticipation for a year definitely increased the magnitude of our gratefulness, and is probably the reason for my genuine patience during this season. We are thrilled beyond measure!