Control

My personality, drive, and mindset often lead me to interesting places. I'm in this wonderful and awful stage of life where every problem in the world is glaringly obvious to me, and I feel like I am the one who needs to fix it. I have always had trust issues, and have never, ever been able to delegate anything to anybody. So, what this means is that when I see a problem in town, I think, "okay... add a letter to the Mayor to my to-do list," and I actually do because I do not believe that I can trust anyone else who sees the same problem to take action.  I've considered continuing my education at the UofA because they have a Department of Education Reform and I'm just convinced that I belong there. I hear people say things that are crazy, unwise, or just plain wrong in my eyes, and I feel like it's my duty as a human to let them know. Ha! The good part is that I've tossed the "someone else will take care of it" mindset to the wayside. The bad part is that I too often take matters into my own hands--matters that don't belong there.

I am still on the "Bible in a year" plan, but I am also doing another Bible study which goes through the entire Bible and requires me to look at each story in the Bible and analyze what it means for women, what it means for our worldview, and the significance in the Word as a whole. It asks basic questions, but then always asks questions such as, "What was the purpose of God doing ____?" Or "So what does this tell us about God's character?" etc. I am obsessed with it, and the teacher in me instantly declared, "These are awesome, higher-level thinking questions!"

 In just a few chapters of Genesis alone, I suddenly saw what happens when the woman takes control. We have the infamous example of Eve, who took control and caused the Fall of man. Then, just a few chapters later, we have the example of Sarah taking control of their "infertility problem" and asking her husband to sleep with their servant, Hagar, who then gave birth to Ishmael. Many Arabs today believe that Muhammad was the chosen descendant of Ishmael, who again is the product of a woman taking matters into her own hands. I have read these stories several times, but because of the tough questioning in this study, I have an entirely new perspective of them and why we have them. And that wasn't even what the study was about! These are just two examples in a mere five or six pages of the entire Bible. I'm certain to find countless more examples as I continue.

I am still processing this and what exactly it means for me, but I know it is significant and will play a significant role in my life. Not only do I often take matters into my own hands instead of resting in the Lord, but I do the same with my husband, which makes it easy for him to forego his role as a leader... and then we're not at all living life as God intended. My new task: figure out a balance between being a doormat and being like Eve and Sarah.

Chew on that one with me.